on being an artist

i'm an artist

new paint table shelf-half finished

i look at the world from that view point

it's usually a bit left from center 

i observe

sometimes people don't like what i do observe

it sometimes gets people nervous

however, most often i don't even realize i have observed something until later

sometimes i see things that people really don't want me to see......

it's a curse and a gift and i get to live it daily

i was once told ( and by my brother of all people) that even if i took a 'break' from art i couldn't take a break from being an artist.....

because it was how my head was wired and i would continue to look at the world from that view point-and i continued to get better even when i was on a break!

guess he was right huh?

i LOVE what i do.....especially when the work is going well...... but even when it isn't going well, i would still rather doing this then anything else. 

i try, (sometimes without realizing it) to challenge myself with each painting...... then there is the ebb and flow of working....plus the inevitable questions back and forth

the dialog in my head goes something like this 

'i don't think i can pull this one off...'

'this is too advanced for me'

' i am so going to get this one' 

'totally'

'oops, oh shit'

'i need more brushes'

'WHY didn't i use heavier paper for this one, it's all freeken washes and now it's buckled.......(why didn't i stretch the paper)'

'oh LOOK a hawk ....( that would be said while 'resting' my eyes looking out the window)'

'coffee and icecream is a perfectly acceptable breakfast......' ( cause i paint early early sometimes)

'you need to layer like 7 different blues to get a hint of the right one'

'what the hell does this need? damned if i know'

'ok it's about to be recycled'

now that last one brings wails from the people who love me and follow my work......

but it is true some stuff really does need to be recycled.....

and if/when i chop it all up and then make scrap mixed media bookmarks or something out of it... 

well let's just say......that'll be between me and the studio ok?

the fact of being an artist is that you have a dialog going on in your head.....several actually, all at once

there is the technical part of you.... 'blue next to orange and they both pop' 

the human side of you ' wow, look at that beautiful bird......amazing'

the child side of you ' how much fun is this and let's add more color'

the adult side of you ' really i need to get the dishes washed'

and this all sort of swirls around while you work

that's why i am so glad when i get into that 'zone' which is a total meditative place

everything either shuts down but the work

or 

i just can't hear the other shit that is yacking away in my head

oh and somedays

there comes a finished painting that has me saying 

'holey shit! did i do that? na.....i must have been channeling leonardo.....cause honey i just ain't that good'

so there you go......

a glimpse into my head,---minus the screaming budgies, the music that sings little songs to me from a cd in the boom box, the drips and splashes of paint, the endless marketing, and the wish for a prettier studio like i see in all the magazines........(DOES any real work go on in them studios? damn i must be the sloppiest artist EVER)

til next time

color! seductive, distracting- and compelling

 here is a photo of one of the palettes i use painting nests, yes i really do use bright pure colors like that, i layer color over color in thin transparent layers and slowly build up colors.
i do the same when painting the birds for the out of the nest series
(the crows are a slightly different story, but we aren't talking about the crows now)
also in that photo is my garbage bag under my paint table and the folgers coffee "can" i use for rinse water.

 ( thaddeaus likes to drink the water, and i use colbalts and cadmiums)

i love the colors i use, each one made it onto the palette because first off they are light fast, second they are full rich lusty colors. if they didn't reach into my soul i wouldn't have them on my palette.
now normally i prefer black and white to color, because i know me....it's easy to get waylaid by the color and not pay attention to basics like form and modeling. so periodically throughout the painting i will run a photo of my progress through imaging software and turn it into grayscale to check if i still have things working. if they are fine, i continue painting.....if they don't work......well then decisions need to be made. some are simple......MORE DARKS in certain areas.... some aren't as simple....and may lead to a painting being recycled.
(yes i know... a lot of people start screaming at me when i say a painting is getting recycled.....but really if i say it's not good enough, it is NOT good enough- i can and will do better)

so it's not unheard of for me to do 4 or more paintings of the SAME thing...almost exactly, trying to 'get it right'.  it's not often thank goodness but if i have to i will

now the next picture is my palette as well, however this one is my palette chart. and yes i do this will ALL color (and sometimes even blk/wht in pencil) i draw it all down to tint....... i find it helpful on a few levels.
i get to work with the colors without having to have pressure to 'paint' something and i keep it on my drafting table if i need to remember the basics of a color....... it helps me make mixing decisions as well.
'mmmm that red is more orange.... so i'll pair it with that yellow which is also has orange in it....makes things brighter'
i label the colors with the pure pigment, MY numbering system (for color tests) and the color name.
actually i have four more colors on that chart now.. but that is the palette i used for the nest/bird paintings. and the new colors that were added recently were used in the holiday collection

for anyone involved with color, i would suggest a color palette chart.... i also do wash charts (especially of greens and purples, they seem to give me the most trouble)

so here is another behind the scenes of painting this series.....
meanwhile the quest for the voice over has been set down for the moment... i am painting crows and hoping that the muse comes back soon. i figure it's ok cause it's back to school time anyway..... but this all needs to be finished at least by the next two weeks and launched

til next time

just taking a break in the project to ask you all....

is this blog loading ok for you folks? 

are the pictures ok?

is there any problems with it at all? 

please let me know ok? you can leave it in the comments if you wouldn't mind 

vi

ps: this is a sneak peek at the first painting in the crow series, i am up to 10 now 

this is for my chicklet daughters

btw, i have to say, time away from my paintings is good for me, because then i get to see them with a fresh eye.. oh and another thing, painting indian corn I THOUGHT was going to be a nightmare, turns out it was a LOT of fun

(this whole painting was a lot of fun for me)

a few of the other paintings in this series

i LOVE this nest, i don't know why

 here are some of the other birds and nests in the series, they are thumbnails so very tiny i know- i have discovered that i need to color separate them then recombine them for the best images!

i have to say i do love what i do, i know that there are times when i am convinced that i can't paint my way out of a paper bag with a road map, but when it's working well for me, i truly do love what i do. it's so meditative for me- one of my friends tells me that what i do is my form of prayer and she just may be right. i feel so great when i finish a painting that is working. now that being said- if i don't think it's working i will not hesitate to recycle a painting. everyone gets so upset when i do that, but i think at some point, you need to trust your eye enough to say.....'this is crap and it's gone' or 'i can do better' or even 'this is really good let's stop now before we f* it up'
(and i have said all that and more at times)

i am actually painting the continuation of the crow series right now, while i work on this video for kickstarter, and i am up to number 10, although 9 has yet to be laid out.
this voice over is harder then i expected, so i keep hoping i will dream it. i love when i dream things out.
i have a few more series that i will start after out of the nest, and the crow series. but i enjoyed out of the nest so much, i do plan on a second 'out of the nest' series next year.
so i hope i get this video done soon, i don't feel too bad about it at the moment, as school just started and a lot of folks are busy getting thier offspring out of the nest so to speak. but i really hope next week or so to go live
bug me ok?

sneak peeks

this is just a fast sneak peek at a baby fledging about to leave the nest, in many ways this painting became (for me at least) a symbol of this project. so i decided that if i meet my funding goal on kickstarter, i may offer this print as another separate reward......what do you all think?

it wouldn't be work without some hitches no?

which one is the best image? the scanned one or the digital one (taken with my little camera)?

scanned image

digital image

after this just one more to go

AND the nightmare voice over which still is eluding me........ then i do a vendor account at amazon, then a final budget projection............. then this goes LIVE at kickstarter......

and i am terrified! doesn't make any sense to be this terrified right? i mean either way..... it doesn't detract from the fact that i did the paintings, but part of me is afraid of failing to meet my funding goal and being able to print the project.....and part of me is terrified i WILL meet the funding goal and print the project

not that any of that makes sense but it is normal i think before a person does something very different for the first time. 

now i'd been in advertising and done large accounts before, but i handed off things to either the printer, and then the sales people or the client....this is the first time i will be acting as 'general contractor' for a project from start to finish. i know logically that it's pretty simple really after all is said and done..... 

ok deep breaths and hope writer's block leaves soon

writer's block

i am trying to write the voice over for the slideshow/video

so far i am getting no where

inane dreck is basically what i've been reduced to

so i sort of goofed off a bit today

i made curtains out of some toile i had stashed since last year 

(for the studio)

i painted a bit

i delayed doing things.....i cooked

but still nothing is coming to me about this voice over

i dreamt on it....... which normally works

still nothing

i can't have a silent video so i need some inspiration pretty quick i would say

no?

like MAGIC- takes a bit longer in real life

these may not have made it ok but these are part of the video for kickstarter

a wash your laundry does not get clean---

what is a wash?

 i was asked this yesterday

this mysterious wash thing i keep referring to

as it obviously doesn't involve socks and sheets

ok so here is a photo of a wash on watercolor paper

it's a thin veil of color with a wet edge

(see the little drip of darker color?)

that is what 'carries' the wash down the page 

i go over areas with multiple washes to build up colors and define and model images

this allows the most amount of light to bounce back into the viewer's eyes

when i get to the point that the washes are built up enough and dark enough, then i work in what is called 'dry brush' which is just like it sounds ...much dryer paint on the brush

now this post is short as i am working on a slide show/video for the kickstarter project

not too successfully at the moment i might add.

i have arcsoft media impressions and while it's doing it sort of, i am not sure i can export what i need into  video software so i can upload it

oye

til next time

vi

chickadee backwards

here is another start to finish....this time a bird 

i plan on posting my 'out-takes' as well

so folks can see when i mess up. i hope that this reminds me to never take it for granted, reminds others that even though it may look easy from the other side, it isn't.

and that only by keeping going do you get anywhere

so here goes with the chickadee, this time backwards ok?

i liked (at that time) the weird moody color of the background. while i still do, i realized through out the series that it wouldn't work with each bird, so while here it makes the chickadee look alive, with say, the cardinal, it would be a disaster.

almost finished, darks needed correcting

now this painting also started me on a bit of a study of lichen! as the twig this bird was on was covered in it! i found a few different kinds just outside my door! i even found fairy cup lichen! and then i wanted to start a terrarium for some lichen and mosses that i found - i did not get the terrarium finished but i do intend on making one, as THAT is how interesting i found my very small fast study of lichen, fungi and mosses.

working on wing and tail feathers

while i am painting i am also half in a meditative trance, sometimes i listen to music but i don't have to. while in this state, i tend to feel my subjects, i can feel the fluffy feathers, and hear the rustle of the wings. i don't hear bird song normally though. but i can almost hear a heart beat... if i get to that state,then the finished painting should be good. i remember telling one of my teachers that when i was in art school..... thankfully she understood and didn't call the men in the white suits for me.

developing the darks further

now this chickadee i liked very much when i did him, as i felt that the feathers were softly shaded enough, and he was feathery enough for you to hopefully feel his softness and his fluffy roundness. i like chickadees in general as they are cheeky little birds who really aren't too afraid of anything. and they are smart too.....they used to follow me around outside until i filled their feeders.

starting to develop the darks

they are here all year long in my corner of PA, and most folks love to watch their antics at the winter feeders. 

there are a few different kinds of chickadee, but i only see the black capped and the carolina. 

they looks very similar.

and they have HUGE heads compared to their bodies, so they look like babies or cute cartoon birds.

first washes

so there you have one of the birds painted from start to finish... although you do have to go backwards to see that

from start to finish

 i love watching how things are created - the process, which for me is the most interesting part.

first washes with liquid masked areas

i love seeing how others faced and surmounted problems, what decisions were made at key point, and what unexpected elements happened.
i think a lot of people like to see how things develop as well
i know when i posted start to finish paintings on facebook folks seem to like to watch them go from this (see the photo on the left)

 through to the finished painting (bottom painting)
now i started with washes of yellows and peach and rose colors -these are my very favorite colors, and i was determined to use them

in the second photo you can see where the liquid mask is stopping the colors from sinking into the paper
i work in thin washes at first, building up layer after layer of pure pigments
i use pretty bright colors too, mixing them at first optically on the paper
the colors don't look bright because they ARE such thin washes
it takes a while to build areas up, and it takes a while for washes to dry, but mostly this insures that the colors remain clean and clear.
it also gives me a bit of time to see what is developing....stuff maybe i had not counted on or thought of.....
i do think the universe helps every artist (and every one) so sometimes it is a good thing to get out of the way and let it help

at some point i really start getting into the painting and start to develop areas. when that happens it's like i am in a trance or a place of meditation.
if you happen to be following what i am painting you can see pretty much where that happens just by what starts to happen in the painting. and THAT is where for me, the sheer joy of painting comes in
that is mostly why i keep doing it
and after a session, when i 'come back down to earth,' i take a picture and post it to my friends to let them see, plus really, for me to see it with a fresh eye

sometimes i need to put it into grayscale or flip it to also see where i i am with each painting.

and to see areas that i possibly missed.

sometimes it all works out so perfectly that i am sure that being an artist has got to be the BEST job on earth or in heaven.......to create, to design, to present beauty to the eyes and hearts of your world.

of course then there are other times when i mess it up and it goes into recycling.... sorta like a dinosaur.......

but not this time

btw, the blue corners you see ...... those are pieces of blue tape (painters tape) which is what i use to hold the paintings to the board
i use blue tape for almost everything in the studio now
it's cheap
easy to see (just don't leave it too long on the vinyl cover of the drafting table)
it doesn't hurt paper
and it's low tack

ok til next time

PS: i am starting to patch together a video, i have to use my little digital canon camera, so this is going to be interesting
any suggestions on free editing software?

thank you so much

a review of the paintings one at a time

one of the nest series

i thought it might be nice, in no particular order, to review the paintings in this series. for me it's meeting old friends in a sense, for some of you, it's meeting new friends. for others it's a refresh the memory. 

now a lot of folks who know me watched these paintings come to life, almost one wash at a time. 

i posted them in progress on my friend list on facebook.

i was so very scared to show people what i did -  see i am a commercial artist, i went to art school but switched early to commercial art as i knew i needed to earn a living.

i did layout/pasteup early on, typesetting, graphic design, logos, illustration.

at one point i did a lot of packaging design as i ran my own toiletries company (sounds bigger then it was) 

when we moved here to pa, i was making original from scratch porcelain dolls... a lot of work but rewarding. 

now i've moved full circle.

i started painting nests because i just love birds. 

and bird's nests fascinate me as do eggs.

i think it's a combination of what they are and what they represent.

home, love, family, shelter, safety, hope for the future, freedom - they are cozy and yet not restricting.

i know a lot of people watch birds build their nests and raise the babies with a sense of awe and wonder.

i am no exception.

here where we live in pa, we are in or very near the 'eastern flyway,' a migratory route for birds. we are close to the river and so we get a LOT of birds here.

of course bernie and i help them along by keeping a lot of natural wild plantings so they have food and shelter. 

there is also a seasonal stream out back.

then if that isn't enough

our beloved pet ducks and chickens provide extra food and water for the wild birds.

it's gotten so that the wild birds go into the duck pens to eat next to the ducks and drink out of the duck ponds!

so you can imagine we have a LOT of wild birds here, winter and summer.

and in fall we see a LOT of bird nests

i really should start to save them in the house but mostly i leave them out there

so the cycle of nature can continue

til next time

another day, another offset printer AND a glimpse into the studio

i am looking for a second estimate for the card project.

a stack of palettes in the studio

the specs are:

5X7

scored not folded (they will fold easily)

matte card stock

12 images 

envelopes

matte stock i think works the best with my paintings, so matte it will have to be.  

now, to get the best prices so i can offer these cards at a universally (almost) affordable level, i need to get at least 500 of each image. 

this is a BIG job for an offset printer run. it will take them about 3 weeks as plates need to be made from color separations, and it will be run through the presses a total of four separate times then through the cutting and scoring machines!

there are 4 colors per card, so four separate plates per card, each plate is 10X7 that's a HUGE job 

no wonder it takes them three weeks!

1st of the crow series in progress 

printing at home would be even more of a job at this point, as i would not only need a BIG printer capable of large format etc...and i believe (i am not sure) that the cost per card would top 3.00 just to print here! (which is why i am going commercial as well - quality and costs)

i really really WANT this project to go forward and i figure that the more reasonable the project is the easier that would be

i have been hoping to bring in the cards at around $20 for 24 but that doesn't look like i can do it unless i go a lot smaller, and get glossy card stock. And at this point also, the local printer is about .02 cents cheaper per card then the internet giants!

also at this point, with the estimates i am looking at approximately 16.00 per set of 12, plus shipping (and sales tax in pa)

what a mess! more palettes

i also would like some printed information about the cards with my contact information on the backs-that may cost a bit more as well.

so today is calling another printer but i really do think the one i spoke to yesterday will be the one i go with if the kickstarter project is successful.  PLUS they are right around the corner so i can keep a close eye on the runs

tomorrow my challenge will be a video...... once i have the video done and my funding estimates...

i load this all up on to kickstarter and go live

the video may be a problem, as i don't have a video camera, nor is the video part of my little digital camera any good .... the laptop cam is a total waste of time (we finally figured out where it was)

til next time

oh and if anyone has any suggestions about how to do this video.....let me know ok?

the beginnings.......

early in january, i was in a very historic bookstore......when i got a wake up call from the universe
i had just thought to myself......
i need a job

then i said out loud to jen 'i need to get the studio back in shape'
next thing i knew a lady was pulling me to a desk in the back and giving me names of buyers for that bookstore.
the card department
gift department ...etc

now i have been drawing, painting and sculpting most of my life....with a short rest while i was making dolls
i came full circle in the past few years .....drawing and painting my ducks

then the wild birds around our home here in pa

now it's time for me and my paintings to leave the nest and go out in the big world

it's scary and exciting all at the same time

so that is the beginning of why i am doing a kickstarter project
to enable my paintings to be printed as cards and go out into the world

now i am still adding paintings to the birds.....and the basic idea is print 6 of the nest paintings and 6 of the bird paintings.... and sell them as a set of greeting/note cards with envelopes

i hope to have them very well priced so that i feel that whoever helps fund this project gets a very good reward..
oh kickstarter?
wow that is a wonderful thing....it's group funding for creative people
not a hand out.... but a sort of presale (especially in my case) to help creative projects happen

hence this blog
i haven't set up the project there yet as i am still working on getting a commercial offset printer in place.
and i need to make a video ......... and as of yet i don't have a video camera

if this is successful, the card project will come to life........ people will end up with them
i will end up with not only having the intense satisfaction of having the cards printed and out in circulation
but also i will have some profit for my hard work
(and a kickstarter promotion is HARD work..... mental and physical)
it takes about 30 days on the website, updates are important
and if you present it well AND if it is an appealing project...complete strangers will help fund the costs of the project.... which also helps an artist feel validated in her work

basically it's a win win situation, because if the artist doesn't get ALL the funding needed the project doesn't happen.... the people who are funding the project won't get charged a dime.....unless the entire goal is met

now kickstarter takes 5% as a fee off the top
and they move funds through amazon which takes another 3 or so % off the top so you also have to figure that into your estimate and 'rewards'

rewards are things that the people that fund your project get for it!
this is how it ends up not being charity or a hand out....
you get to presell (at least with my project i do) what you are doing!

i love this whole idea......
and if this project is successful it won't be my last one

i have botanical illustrations i want to do and would like printed, as well as interesting halloween art and decorations (nothing gory or gruesome) and the crow series both as prints...possibly a calender and as a counting book!

and in the process of researching i found some places that will do short run bound BOOKS at prices that aren't insane!


so anyway, i started this blog to document the process of what i am doing and where i am with the project

right now, i am still searching for a commercial printer as it looks like there are going to be 12 designs, with 500 cards per design - i would like to sell these in sets of 24 (2 of each of the 12 designs) with possibly a few bonuses if i exceed my goals, one of which will be the fledgling in his nest either as cards or fine art prints....
or even fine art prints of the paintings as sets
that will be up to how the project goes
meanwhile i am trying to scan these myself
i may have to get them done professionally if i am going to offer fine art prints but that would be down the road
first is the printer, so far i have found internet printers but local guys are not calling me with the quotes they've promised even if i call them a second time.......so they won't work

oh and the lower case stuff?
i've got tiny tiny hands and even on the laptop key board they don't reach as well to hit the shift key!
it's pretty simple really

til next time